patience
Figure 1: La Patience des Arbres.
Searching for patience in different contexts I found a good definition from psychology professor that believes that patience is situational form of emotion regulation, quote:
When we feel the emotion of impatience, patience is the name of the self-regulation tools we apply to cope with that feeling. Whether that’s self-talk, deep breaths, or preemption, those subtle or explicit self-control strategies in the face of uncertain, stressful waiting are acts of patience.
Kate Sweeny
I liked the definition from Kate Sweeny because it states that patience is the application of patience strategies to handle an emotion that bothers us at that time. This is good news because it means I only need to know which are the available strategies out there and which ones will actually work for me.
This answer from a Reddit user is very good as well:
impatience occurs when we are not accepting reality and have an overarching need for control. for example, the cashier “should” be going faster at the checkout. my kids “should” be quiet.
in order to transform those stressful “shoulds” you gotta learn to accept how things actually are. that doesn’t mean you can’t do anything about situations that are unsatisfactory. it just means you don’t react from frustration which is never a long term solution to effect real change.
how to accept reality? one way is to medidate on the present moment. another way is to try to see the situation from another point of view - for example that slow cashier’s. finally, begin recognizing the moment when you get “triggered”, and stop to try to figure out what you are wanting to control in the situation
this will help you slowly unknot the reasons for your desire to control how things “should” be.
once you can release yourself from “how things should be”, you can start to act from a more patient place.
good luck! this has been a big challenger for me to overcome as a parent!
- redit anwer about how to be more patient by @aerisbound
a good way that i have found to improve that rushed part of me is to remind myself time will pass anyways.
- Me: i have personally done this MULTIPLE times and it is weird that this really helped me. sometimes i even think to myself all the things i will be doing AFTER the event i am anxious about. it’s like reminding myself that there is life afterwards.
Q: for people who have great patience what’s your secret? A: understanding. I always assume there’s a reason for someone being late or behaving a certain way and that maybe that person just hasn’t learned any better yet. so i try to understand what’s happening so that i can better understand what’s going on and empathize